I Paid a Visit...

I paid a visit to the other side

to give the grass a chance.

I took off my shoes and walked around

and thus the day was passed.

A different shade of the color green

"greener" may or may not be

And soft and green as the other side was,

it was not home for me.

And this I know as fact because

these lines composed mid-night

whilst sojourning on the other side

I was not moved to write.

8/16/10

I had a dream last night with my dad in it. I'm trying so hard to remember what happened, to hang on to any piece of him. I know he was wearing a dark sweater in a kitchen, walking around, just being himself, and Emily and I were noting how he looked slightly pudgier in the belly than we'd expected. It usually seems in my dreams that I'm aware that I'm being allowed to see my dad, with the understanding that he died, or was near death. So usually, I'm happy to see him in my dream, just as I in reality am happy to dream about seeing him.

I always yearn for such experiences, where, at least in my dream, I am close to him once more. I can see, hear, and touch him. The other day at church a little girl sat on her dad's lap, playing with his hair and tracing his ear with her finger. Oh gosh, I remember that sort of liberty a little girl has to explore her daddy's head. I remember staring at the back of my dad's as he was driving and I was considering the magic of hair. The precious relationship between father and daughter is a unique and beautiful thing.

When I was younger, my dad would tell me that he was already praying for my future. Now that I'm older, I'm always asking him to pray for me. It is a funny connection, to say, "Dad, you remember when you mentioned this so many years ago? Well, can you please pray about that now?" I still need his fatherly guidance and caretaking. Do I ever! I am thankful that I know that he continues to pray for me.

Of course I should take comfort in that, and I do. Much comfort! But still, I long even more that I could sit on his lap and run my fingers through his hair as I listen to his breathing, or even just to glimpse him buzzing around the kitchen in a dorky sweater.

Maybe Tuesday Will Be My Good News Day

I'm not expecting news of any sort for today, but I love this line from one of my favorite Billie Holiday songs.

Today started off in a lovely cool grey. I left early enough to drive through and get a (soy) white chocolate mocha and lemon poppyseed muffin from The Coffee Bean on my way to work today. Cool air, a warm white mocha, and a lemon poppyseed muffin for me represent a Fall and Christmas sort of toasty beauty. It began at the Daily Grind across the street from Golden West College many years ago, and to this day holds a special place in my heart, and is a sensory cue for quiet thoughts and pangs in the heart of several sorts.

I recently picked up my copy of A Severe Mercy by Sheldon Vanauken. I've already read it, about 2 years ago, but it was so gloriously beautiful, that when I saw it on my shelf I ached to read it again. Though I love grey mornings, my hearts been feeling a little grey recently, and I've been hungrily drinking in Vanauken's poetic prose. His, and his wife's, love of beauty and of love and joy are just en-heartening. With a 9.5 hour work day, things like this deliver my daily beauty intake, and I am ever-so grateful.

I hope you all have a beautiful Tuesday.

P.s. Another small joy I've discovered: free mp3 downloads on Amazon.com. I used to love the weekly songs starbucks gave codes for on iTunes, but I haven't found any recently. The iTunes store also has songs of the week, but only 1 out of 13 is any good. I thought I'd see if amazon has any freebs, and not only do they have multiple freebs, but good ones at that! Woot! I downloaded almost all of the songs from this page: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=s9_hps_bw_clnk?node=334897011&sort=salesrank&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=right-3&pf_rd_r=1Q1PQY0TM7FPP1DZTABG&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=503588691&pf_rd_i=678551011

Enjoy!

Some life instruction from St. Peter:

But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love. For if these things are yours and abound, you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

2 Peter 1:5-8

I accidently read this in today's Bible reading, which was supposed to start at v.10, but I'm thankful I was mistaken. I just like these verses because it provides a sort of step-by-step guide for bettering oneself. I don't think mine are exactly in this order, but still! It's good to have a list.

In similar news, today is the feast of the Transfiguration! Blessed feast! I love how on feast days we commemorate some facet of God that represents so much more. At the Transfiguration Christ's divinity shone before the 3 apostles, and He was confirmed to be the Son of God. And for all the poets and poetry-minded people out there, we get a beautiful symbol: Light!

Here's just one example.

Joy requires one to be awake,
Adjusting the heart's ambience to bright.
Some prefer the dark, as is their right,
On grounds of agony, and to forsake
Not only bliss, but all that's blessed by light.
~Nicholas Gordon

There are so many beautiful ways in which Light teaches us about God. The purity. The brilliance. The steadfastness. It's ability to be reflected in other objects.

What are some others?

Love you!