So, I got full time status at my current job, which means I get health insurance! Yay! I've been taking advantage of that while I'm able. The current plan is to use the insurance to get my gallbladder removed, and then once that is all settled, I can move on to my dream job. Or, you know, a job that is at least slightly better paying and much more fulfilling. I have an appointment tomorrow, actually, with the general surgeon to discuss my situation. So!
The camp I worked at was a pretty traumatic experience, emotionally, but I did learn a lot technically, and I really really learned that I cannot control anything. And when things are out of your hands, you can only turn to God, Who will give you the grace to endure, who will give you what you need to scrape by, even if it's only the bare minimum. Believe me, you are more thankful than ever for that bare minimum, and for the passing of time. The minutes crawled by so slowly during that experience, but now it is over, and I am so thankful to have just made it through. Longest two weeks of my life. But again, I learned to lean on God, and I was more thankful than ever for the support I received from my loved ones, and was grateful for all the blessings of home--a community that loves me and believes in me.
The other thing God put in my life after this decision to be open to His plan was a young man. We dated this summer, and now we're not dating. It is still too soon to see how the whole thing fits into God's plan and will for me (which is frustrating and difficult). I learned and continue to learn a lot from the experience. I know I'll never be the same in, a lot of ways. I'm confused about a lot, but I'm also trying really hard to remember what I'm learning about trusting God. I cannot control this situation, as much as I want what I want, and I must believe that God only has the best in mind for both of us, and He can guide, direct, heal, and cause growth where I would be powerless. God is merciful, and He provides for us. I am also learning to trust in His goodness. And wouldn't you know it? Today's Scripture reading was Luke 11:9-13:
"The Lord said to his disciples, "Ask, and it will be given you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. What father among you, if his son asks for a fish, will instead of a fish give him a serpent; or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!"
That past few days I've been praying about something specific, and my prayers were answered in a very particular and unexpected way. Of course, I have no idea what it means, except that I do know that God is listening, and that what happened did not happen for no reason. I have a very "boxed" way of looking at things right now, and I think sometimes God reminds us that He tends to think outside of the box.
It will be interesting to see what happens in my life in the next several months. I know it won't be easy (is it ever?), but I also know that God provides. I have so many people in my life that I am eternally grateful for. At every point on this bumpy road there has a been a person there for me with open ears and open hearts and arms. Random people hearing me out and offering prayers for me. I am so thankful that in my weaknesses, God shows His Glory.
Glory to God in all things! Lord have mercy!
