From Work on Wednesday

Today I tried to eat a tomato.

No, I don't mean I attempted to eat a whole raw tomato, and no, it wasn't cooked. I mean, I, Christine, attempted to eat raw tomato!

Here's the thing with tomatoes. I don't like them. At least, I don't like raw tomatoes. I really don't mind them when they're cooked or mashed up into sauces. But raw? I am simply unable to abide them. I've tried in the past, and it would really be convenient to like them because, lemme tell ya, people LOVE their tomatoes. They put them everywhere! In salsa, on sandwiches, on burgers, in salads. Why do you think ketchup was invented, people? So we wouldn't have to have huge whopping slices of tomatoes on our burgers! 

Now, today I got a vegetarian sandwich which of course comes with some pretty hefty tomato slices. I knew they were coming too, but I decided not to order the sandwich without because I already asked for no cheese and I didn't want to sound too picky. Though I'm in Beverly Hills, so I'm sure no one would have recognized my polite request as being such.  I got the sandwich back to my dining hall at work, which is my office, which is a glorified closet with a desk. I picked the slices of tomato off using the decorated toothpicks used to hold it all together. 

(Now there's a topic for discussion: those silly toothpicks! Just imagine the first person who donned plastic frills on toothpicks to stick into sandwiches? Who'd have known it would catch on and spread so widely, so much so that one gives absolutely no consideration to the fact that something as silly as a sandwich toothpick is dressed up in plastic frills to impress our sandwiches. )

I noted to myself what a pretty tomato my sandwich had. It was quite thick and meaty, the kind I would imagine a tomato-lover would drool over.  I knew if one were to like any tomato, this would be the one. So I took a smaller yet still meaty slice of tomato, dipped it in the yummy dressing that comes on the salad (come on, I'm not gonna be so bold to eat it naked!) and guess what? STILL gross. People, tomato, to me, tastes like a plant. And don't be a smart alec and tell me it is a plant. I get it. Apples, carrots, kiwi, bananas, and broccoli (broccoli even looks like a plant!) still don't taste planty. Tomatoes taste like if dirty water grew on vines in a dirty plant skin. 

So, World, I apologize, 'cause I know you love tomatoes and are probably offended by my dislike for them. As I said, I wish I could like them, but I can't, cause they're gross. Please don't think I'm picky, World, when I ask for everything I ever order to my particular tastes. It's not really that I'm super picky. It's just that your darn tomatoes are in, on, stuffed into, and spread upon everything there is to order.