Hair's what I'm thinking

So, I think I'm gonna cut my hair. Here's some reasons and replies to your arguments.

1) I want to donate it

2) I've had long hair for a long time, and I want something new

3) Back-to-school haircut!

4) I always wear my hair in an awkward bun to get it out of the way anyways. It's not like I wear it down and flowing a lot.

5) I think it'll have more personality, and even possibly femininity if I'm actually doing SOMETHING with it. Styling? Hairbands? ooh, aren't you excited? :)

6) Short hair is making a comeback (@Ana Lewis, @Mary Honore, @Catherine Marie Nicola, @Claire Hanlon are just a few examples. Hey, girls, hey!)

7) "Didn't you get that out of your system in high school?"--Not really. I've had long hair for several years now. I want something fresh and new, I'm tired of this style, or lack thereof. (side note, I had one cute short haircut followed by several bad ones...eech. But hopefully it'll be done right this time:)

8) "But you have such beautiful blonde hair!!"--Yeah. Well, it'll still be blonde and beautiful :)

9) "But you're not a mom!"--Yeah. Oh well. My reasoning is that by the time I become a mom I'll want long hair to make me look youthful, so I might as well have short hair now, so I can always go back.

10) "But it's so long!"--Yeah. It'll grow back.

11) "But guys are more attracted to long hair."--Yeah, we'll maybe not alllll of them? 'Sides, they've had their chance to look at it. It's not like it's brought any husbands out of the woodwork. And if Mr. Right arrives right after it's cut and doesn't "notice me" w/ short hair, then he's DUMB. ;D

12) I've experienced the long hair thing. But I don't want to be stuck in the same hair forever. Sista needs some spice! And might as well experiment with hair which grows than get spicy piercings, tattoos, or even (gasp) dye my hair!

+)Forgive me for being preemptively defensive, but the more people say "Noooo! Don't cut it! You can't cut it!!" I think, "oh yeah? Watch me, now!" If you still want to comment, I won't bite your head off:) I love you all! And maybe you'll have some valuable feedback that I'd appreciate:)

Here's a sense of the look I'm thinking of:

http://pinterest.com/tinimarie/hair-s-what-i-m-thinking/

...Aaaand I'm only 75% sure about doing this at the moment. Maybe 80. Hehe:)

A friend of mine from a mission trip just got engaged. I just found out another friend of mine, from that same trip (!) is getting married in two weeks! My sister's dating a guy who is pursuing her, and thinks she's great. My friend is a Protestant and doesn't even have consider denominations when dating. My other friend is madly in love. And, I have another friend who was trying to long-distance hook me up with a guy on the east coast, who seemed like such a good catch, but East Coast said he's just not ready to meet anyone. Strike 523. Sigh. I am soo happy for my friends who are getting married. And I really feel the pain of my friends who are ready and trying and just struggling with being alone. I pray for them as I pray for myself, because I know how hard, difficult, frustrating, and lonely it is.

It's a specific type of loneliness. It's not the lack of friends, family, and loved ones. I am SO grateful for all the amazing people in my life. I am loved, and boy, do I love! But there comes a point in life where you're doing your own thang, and as everyone starts settling down, getting married, having babies (right and left), and starting careers, it is increasingly difficult to get by with just yourself. When all your friends are single, and your doing things communally, like church and school, you are a support group for each other. But as life gets busier and your schedule becomes more complex, its a lot harder to relate to everyone, especially if they have their own significant other. Its like having someone assigned to you, who you care about and they care about you. Someone who you can do fun things with and talk about minute details of your life and they care, taking it on with you. So you're not in It alone, so your life is witnessed, and what you do seems to matter. I'm lucky in that I have a single roommate with whom I can share with and relate to, and a couple dating roommates who at least aren't married, and I can share a good amount with as well. But I also have a fear of coming to depend on my friends too much to be all that to me, because it won't be long 'til they get married too. Maybe that's irrational or something, but its there.

I'm really looking forward to our Fall Seminar at church, where they will have a talk directed specifically to Singles/Unmarrieds, and it's NOT about dating and needing to get married or become a monastic. (At least, I hope not!) Guys, it gets pretty hard being single in a community that is so family oriented. Which of course, I am glad for--families are the little church. But it's hard to be at women's functions where conversations revolve about baby stuff, or family stuff, or cooking, housekeeping, husbands, anything.

Being an Eastern Orthodox Christian trying to date is that much harder. Fish in the sea? Well, the Orthodox 'sea' of men is more like a big puddle, and I'm trying to swim in it but I'm just making big splashes. As I was discussing with my single friend yesterday, its one more hoop to jump through, yet for us its the most important hoop of all, and we willingly choose to have it there. Like finding a camel to put through the eye of a needle. I guess thats why we're supposed to trust in God, through whom all things are possible.

Anyways, everything will be ok. God willing, this is just a season. I know my life will be very different a few years from now, but I don't even know what that's gonna look like. For all things good and profitable to our souls, let us pray to the Lord. Lord have mercy!

I bit all my nails this week. I don't know if I've been anxious, or bored, or hungry, or restless. I've felt all of those things. I feel like I've been trying to learn things in life, and grow. Recent events like "break-ups" (but not really) and (re)new(ed) opportunities (but not really?), multiple deaths, sharing with roommates, old and new, facing my last year of school (God-willing), and such things have been pushing my buttons, but I'm not sure what those buttons do. Sometimes I feel like I'm learning, but sometimes I feel SO stagnant in life. I sit at this job all day accomplishing hardly anything, and I kinda just feel silly. I should be taking charge, making my life awesome, but I just look at inspiring photographs and wish I could do something. I'm always disappointed in my lack of doing, my lack of accomplishments. What have I to show for all my good intentions, huh? :/

I started writing a poem in my head this morning about stirring my coffee with a plastic knife from McDonald's, but didn't write it down. Trying to make my pitiful worklife into something more. I should attempt a rehash.

I like to stir my coffee with a plastic knife

or maybe I don't "like" to, but I do.

This horrible coffee that I share with one coworker,

the one who bought this tiny bucket

the one who talks about how expensive coffee is to buy

and I don't think he realizes buying in bulk is cheaper

and buy buying in bulk, I mean buying a regular size coffee.

I just accept the fact that there's not gonna be much coming out of this coffee pot

just a sorry excuse for caffeination.

So I'll buy the next one, which will be slightly more for at least twice the coffee,

and he'll think I'm crazy

and that it tastes too strong.

Oh, you mean it tastes like coffee, this time?

Only 8 1/2 more hours to go.

(that was nothing like it:)